| To be married and have a family of my own was | | | | societies." |
| my ultimate dream. I was not built for a | | | | |
| killer job in the corporate arena, although I | | | | "People in conventional cultures accepted |
| have had a career that could have proved | | | | that the life cycle comprised of stages and |
| promising years before the wedding bells | | | | that getting through the periods of |
| tolled. | | | | transition was a natural process. They did |
| | | | not fear the middle. They knew it would lead |
| At that time, having my own family will | | | | to a resolution. They also have clearly |
| complete the meaning and purpose of my life. | | | | defined socially prescribed rituals that made |
| It was a mission that I needed to achieve. I | | | | it possible for them to see their way through |
| knew in my heart, it's all I wanted. I prayed | | | | each normal transition -without confusion and |
| hard. And God granted it. | | | | within a reasonable time." |
| | | | |
| After 22 years, two fine grown up kids, and | | | | An Aunt, who is in her early eighties, shared |
| basically a stable married life, I now wonder | | | | that she has not gone through such |
| what else is there to do. | | | | bewilderment. "No time for such foolish whim. |
| | | | All this stuff you're telling me is a modern |
| Accomplished? It seems that is where my | | | | day invention. For me it's plain self |
| confusion begins. I look around me and I see | | | | absorption and time wasting." |
| things and remember hobbies that once | | | | |
| occupied my time with fervor. With more time | | | | After her failed marriage which left her |
| in my hands now I feel a bit useless, rusting | | | | donning the role of a single mom in the |
| and old. | | | | 1950s, focus was on survival. In my |
| | | | conservative culture, subconscious training |
| This is a scary feeling and an unproductive | | | | on selflessness came in early. |
| state of mind. I know I need to do something | | | | |
| about this lull. All of a sudden I feel I | | | | This crisis may have crossed her mind but |
| have not done what I should have. | | | | it's silly to even entertain it. |
| | | | |
| As I see a huge boulder with an emblazoned | | | | In some cultures, people know what to expect |
| 5-0 rolling closer, I look back and wonder | | | | at certain major points in their lives. |
| why I am feeling a bit lost. I am searching | | | | |
| for something that would redeem my strong | | | | Dr. Atkinson continues: "People in |
| sense of self worth. | | | | traditional cultures accepted that the life |
| | | | cycle comprised of stages and that getting |
| Even after reaching the edge of my little | | | | through the times of transition was a natural |
| dreams, today, I see threats from specters of | | | | process. They did not fear the middle part of |
| regrets, doubts and anxieties not only for | | | | the process; they knew that it would lead to |
| what has been but for what is yet to come. | | | | a resolution." Further, they also had clearly |
| | | | defined, socially prescribed rituals to see |
| It's like trekking a path towards my last | | | | their way through.' |
| race. There is a strong urge to take | | | | |
| different although difficult turns with | | | | Understanding the Middle Years Dilemma |
| repeated deep sighs. | | | | |
| | | | Based on Jung's theory, what we were in our |
| "What do you mean-the horizon is no longer | | | | first half of life represents mostly of how |
| too far away to see? Ah, but tomorrow has | | | | our environment has molded us; the handed |
| always seemed such an important word to us, | | | | down values, customs, beliefs, expectations, |
| and such a long one. Then we learn the | | | | endless rules and the way of life we have |
| truth...." Linda Ellerbee, 'Reflections on | | | | been taught to accept and live up to. Jung |
| Midlife. | | | | also emphasized that unresolved issues in |
| | | | infancy are often not resolved reasonably |
| But what exactly am I wishing for now, I | | | | until adulthood. |
| don't know. I seem to be even more confused, | | | | |
| restrained and afraid on my passage in this | | | | These are parts of the 'self' which were |
| crossroad. No room for mistakes, I pound | | | | withheld inside us which represent the real |
| | | | us, the 'real you' that have been subdued, |
| Until I've read more materials on other | | | | repressed since they were not acceptable in |
| people's experiences bearing similarities, my | | | | the first half of our life. Jung says that in |
| quiet insanity could be part of the Midlife | | | | order for us to be whole, we need to go |
| phase. | | | | through this mid transition by going inward, |
| | | | rediscovering the repressed and unknown parts |
| What exactly is Midlife Crisis? | | | | of the authentic 'you' and finally creating |
| | | | the life that will express them. When |
| Experts say that most people become conscious | | | | achieved, Individuation or integration of the |
| of the slowing down of the biological process | | | | whole self is attained. |
| of their bodies by approximately at age 40 | | | | |
| and the awareness is perceived to be | | | | Fluctuating hormones and other brain chemical |
| introducing the progression of aging, which | | | | imbalances may also play pivotal roles in |
| gives more emphasis on the visibility of one | | | | creating a bit of the confusion yet Midlife |
| reality: old age. And aging is almost akin to | | | | is not always about crisis. |
| degeneration, weakness and loss of | | | | |
| opportunities only our youthful years can | | | | Midlife also presents opportunities for self |
| provide. | | | | realization which our younger years may not |
| | | | have made possible. Armed with experience and |
| The term 'Midlife Crisis' was coined by | | | | wisdom, one can find new meanings to living |
| Canadian Psychologist Elliot Jacques in his | | | | which our young minds may not have been |
| article "Death and the Midlife Crisis" for | | | | capable of creating or even understanding. |
| the International Journal of Psychoanalysis. | | | | |
| "Midlife Crisis," according to him, referred | | | | There had been studies that divorce and |
| to a time when adults realize their own | | | | suicide become common during this phase |
| mortality and how much time they may have | | | | because the deficiency in or loss of meaning |
| left in their lives. | | | | in what a person has accomplished becomes a |
| | | | powerful central theme. |
| Carl Gustav Jung, renowned Swiss | | | | |
| Psychiatrist, Founder of Analytical | | | | FACING THE ROCKY ROAD |
| Psychology, and pioneer in the study of | | | | |
| Midlife, compared midlife to noon in the | | | | If you notice intense midlife telltale signs |
| daily course of the sun saying further that | | | | bugging and distracting you, do not brush |
| it is around the 'noon' of life, which he saw | | | | them off. Take a pause. Fight them or deal |
| as commencing between the 35th and 40th | | | | with them with grace and take action. |
| years, that a momentous transformation in the | | | | |
| human psyche is most likely to occur. | | | | Turn to people who are sincerely interested |
| | | | in your welfare or seek professional help for |
| However, according to the article of Robert | | | | support. |
| Atkinson, Ph.D. entitled Midlife: The Crisis, | | | | |
| Reconsidered: "Today 40 no longer seems to | | | | As we search deeper inside and around us, |
| hold the symbolic significance that it once | | | | clues to our new quests may show up. They may |
| had. People often do not feel the impact of | | | | be old dreams swept under the rug, unfinished |
| having lived half their lives until the | | | | projects, passions and talents left dormant |
| mid-or late 40s, or even age 50-if indeed at | | | | in the couch of life. There may also be new |
| all." | | | | things, beliefs, and activities we never |
| | | | thought would interest us. |
| "This may be due to the 'longevity factor.' | | | | |
| Briefly, people now live longer-averaging 25 | | | | To some, midlife is the beginning of a |
| years longer than at the start of the century | | | | spiritual journey as well. The thirst to |
| and lead more prolific and richer lives made | | | | prepare our 'going home' to a place that is |
| possible by positive prospects in careers, | | | | beyond the bounds of the material world can |
| improved health and more gratifying | | | | be one impetus in implementing change in our |
| relationships. | | | | life Probably, it is the 'soul' echoing to us |
| | | | in this shifting phase. |
| According to some studies, an average healthy | | | | |
| adult today could reach about 120 years old | | | | Real life stories shared honestly about |
| thus making midlife at 60. | | | | transformations are my sources of strength. |
| | | | And to implement what I have learned from |
| Knowing When the Time Has Come | | | | these inspirational sources I enrolled in a |
| | | | sing, dance, act (all rolled into one) |
| In women, premenopausal symptoms, the | | | | workshop. Spiritual? Maybe not. |
| prospect of the 'empty nest syndrome,' the | | | | |
| economy, stress and anxieties can be | | | | It was the impulse I had that particular |
| triggers. In men, retirement, career change, | | | | Sunday morning when I opened the newspaper |
| andropause, marital disputes, financial | | | | and an ad caught my eyes instantly. It was |
| issues and any major change can activate a | | | | for a reasonable fee and was open to those |
| sense of discontent and loss of purpose. | | | | aged '6 to 65 yrs old. I itched to check it |
| | | | out. I found it odd to join but something |
| My husband's mild stroke almost 2 years ago, | | | | nudged me to take part. |
| the betrayal of a person we treated like | | | | |
| family, and the changes our children are | | | | I am tapping the social and artistic sides |
| going through were my major wake up calls for | | | | that I have ignored for so long. I will be |
| me | | | | observing where it will lead me. |
| | | | |
| "A search for meaning often comes in | | | | Becoming a star was not my illusion. My goal |
| mid-life, or after a traumatic life event. | | | | was to get away from my routine, meet new |
| Such an episode can be hard and painful, but | | | | people, and grow with the new experience |
| it can also be a catalyst to rethink | | | | hoping something good will come out of it. |
| meaning." Mary braid, in "If in Doubt...You | | | | And if I feel it is not working for me, I can |
| Can find Purpose." Psychologies, May 2006: | | | | always opt to change course. The main |
| Dossier, 'Finding Meaning.' | | | | substance if the exercise is to venture into |
| | | | something towards positive change or to |
| You are going through the motions of Midlife | | | | better whatever it is we already have. |
| crisis when you: | | | | |
| | | | "We are all writing the story of our life. We |
| No longer find joy and purpose in things that | | | | want to know what it's 'about, what are its |
| used to bring pleasure; | | | | themes and which theme is on the rise. We |
| | | | demand of it something deeper, or richer, or |
| Feel that excitement is diminishing; | | | | more substantive. We want to know where we're |
| | | | headed -not to spoil our own ending by |
| Start questioning the meaning of life; | | | | ruining the surprise, but we want to ensure |
| | | | that when the ending comes, it won't be |
| Begin reassessing your decisions in the past | | | | shallow. We will have done something. We will |
| and feel it is so crucial to make changes; | | | | not have squandered our time here." Po |
| | | | Bronson's book, 'What Should I Do With My |
| Are not sure where life is leading you; | | | | Life?' |
| | | | |
| Feel tired with your routine and role for | | | | Midlife is a time when we can take pride in |
| many years; | | | | all that we have been and done, in big and |
| | | | small things, giving us more chance at |
| When you strongly seek for inner truths; | | | | crafting an entirely new landscape for a more |
| | | | inspiring second half. |
| Feel trapped and empty. | | | | |
| | | | "Could midlife not be be a time when we are |
| However there is a population that is | | | | free at last for enhancing mind, heart, and |
| unmindful of such dilemma. | | | | talent; free at last for spiritual growth?" |
| | | | Anne Morrow Lindberg, 'Gift from the Sea.' |
| Atkinson states: Anthropologists have | | | | |
| discovered that arriving at middle age does | | | | And when not understood, Midlife Crisis can |
| not produce psychological stress and turmoil | | | | give us an excuse to go into deep depression, |
| in many cultures. And that this so called | | | | frustration and dissatisfaction unfavorably |
| midlife crisis is more of a culture-specific | | | | affecting us, the people around and those we |
| phenomenon, found primarily among people in | | | | love most. |
| today's technologically advanced Western | | | | |