| To be married and have a family of my own was my | | | | periods of transition was a natural process. They did |
| ultimate dream. I was not built for a killer job in the | | | | not fear the middle. They knew it would lead to a |
| corporate arena, although I have had a career that | | | | resolution. They also have clearly defined socially |
| could have proved promising years before the | | | | prescribed rituals that made it possible for them to see |
| wedding bells tolled. | | | | their way through each normal transition -without |
| At that time, having my own family will complete the | | | | confusion and within a reasonable time." |
| meaning and purpose of my life. It was a mission that I | | | | An Aunt, who is in her early eighties, shared that she |
| needed to achieve. I knew in my heart, it's all I wanted. I | | | | has not gone through such bewilderment. "No time for |
| prayed hard. And God granted it. | | | | such foolish whim. All this stuff you're telling me is a |
| After 22 years, two fine grown up kids, and basically a | | | | modern day invention. For me it's plain self absorption |
| stable married life, I now wonder what else is there to | | | | and time wasting." |
| do. | | | | After her failed marriage which left her donning the |
| Accomplished? It seems that is where my confusion | | | | role of a single mom in the 1950s, focus was on |
| begins. I look around me and I see things and | | | | survival. In my conservative culture, subconscious |
| remember hobbies that once occupied my time with | | | | training on selflessness came in early. |
| fervor. With more time in my hands now I feel a bit | | | | This crisis may have crossed her mind but it's silly to |
| useless, rusting and old. | | | | even entertain it. |
| This is a scary feeling and an unproductive state of | | | | In some cultures, people know what to expect at |
| mind. I know I need to do something about this lull. All of | | | | certain major points in their lives. |
| a sudden I feel I have not done what I should have. | | | | Dr. Atkinson continues: "People in traditional cultures |
| As I see a huge boulder with an emblazoned 5-0 rolling | | | | accepted that the life cycle comprised of stages and |
| closer, I look back and wonder why I am feeling a bit | | | | that getting through the times of transition was a |
| lost. I am searching for something that would redeem | | | | natural process. They did not fear the middle part of |
| my strong sense of self worth. | | | | the process; they knew that it would lead to a |
| Even after reaching the edge of my little dreams, | | | | resolution." Further, they also had clearly defined, |
| today, I see threats from specters of regrets, doubts | | | | socially prescribed rituals to see their way through.' |
| and anxieties not only for what has been but for what | | | | Understanding the Middle Years Dilemma |
| is yet to come. | | | | Based on Jung's theory, what we were in our first half |
| It's like trekking a path towards my last race. There is | | | | of life represents mostly of how our environment has |
| a strong urge to take different although difficult turns | | | | molded us; the handed down values, customs, beliefs, |
| with repeated deep sighs. | | | | expectations, endless rules and the way of life we |
| "What do you mean-the horizon is no longer too far | | | | have been taught to accept and live up to. Jung also |
| away to see? Ah, but tomorrow has always seemed | | | | emphasized that unresolved issues in infancy are often |
| such an important word to us, and such a long one. | | | | not resolved reasonably until adulthood. |
| Then we learn the truth...." Linda Ellerbee, 'Reflections | | | | These are parts of the 'self' which were withheld |
| on Midlife. | | | | inside us which represent the real us, the 'real you' that |
| But what exactly am I wishing for now, I don't know. I | | | | have been subdued, repressed since they were not |
| seem to be even more confused, restrained and | | | | acceptable in the first half of our life. Jung says that in |
| afraid on my passage in this crossroad. No room for | | | | order for us to be whole, we need to go through this |
| mistakes, I pound | | | | mid transition by going inward, rediscovering the |
| Until I've read more materials on other people's | | | | repressed and unknown parts of the authentic 'you' |
| experiences bearing similarities, my quiet insanity could | | | | and finally creating the life that will express them. |
| be part of the Midlife phase. | | | | When achieved, Individuation or integration of the |
| What exactly is Midlife Crisis? | | | | whole self is attained. |
| Experts say that most people become conscious of | | | | Fluctuating hormones and other brain chemical |
| the slowing down of the biological process of their | | | | imbalances may also play pivotal roles in creating a bit |
| bodies by approximately at age 40 and the | | | | of the confusion yet Midlife is not always about crisis. |
| awareness is perceived to be introducing the | | | | Midlife also presents opportunities for self realization |
| progression of aging, which gives more emphasis on | | | | which our younger years may not have made |
| the visibility of one reality: old age. And aging is almost | | | | possible. Armed with experience and wisdom, one can |
| akin to degeneration, weakness and loss of | | | | find new meanings to living which our young minds |
| opportunities only our youthful years can provide. | | | | may not have been capable of creating or even |
| The term 'Midlife Crisis' was coined by Canadian | | | | understanding. |
| Psychologist Elliot Jacques in his article "Death and the | | | | There had been studies that divorce and suicide |
| Midlife Crisis" for the International Journal of | | | | become common during this phase because the |
| Psychoanalysis. "Midlife Crisis," according to him, | | | | deficiency in or loss of meaning in what a person has |
| referred to a time when adults realize their own | | | | accomplished becomes a powerful central theme. |
| mortality and how much time they may have left in | | | | FACING THE ROCKY ROAD |
| their lives. | | | | If you notice intense midlife telltale signs bugging and |
| Carl Gustav Jung, renowned Swiss Psychiatrist, | | | | distracting you, do not brush them off. Take a pause. |
| Founder of Analytical Psychology, and pioneer in the | | | | Fight them or deal with them with grace and take |
| study of Midlife, compared midlife to noon in the daily | | | | action. |
| course of the sun saying further that it is around the | | | | Turn to people who are sincerely interested in your |
| 'noon' of life, which he saw as commencing between | | | | welfare or seek professional help for support. |
| the 35th and 40th years, that a momentous | | | | As we search deeper inside and around us, clues to |
| transformation in the human psyche is most likely to | | | | our new quests may show up. They may be old |
| occur. | | | | dreams swept under the rug, unfinished projects, |
| However, according to the article of Robert Atkinson, | | | | passions and talents left dormant in the couch of life. |
| Ph.D. entitled Midlife: The Crisis, Reconsidered: "Today | | | | There may also be new things, beliefs, and activities |
| 40 no longer seems to hold the symbolic significance | | | | we never thought would interest us. |
| that it once had. People often do not feel the impact of | | | | To some, midlife is the beginning of a spiritual journey |
| having lived half their lives until the mid-or late 40s, or | | | | as well. The thirst to prepare our 'going home' to a |
| even age 50-if indeed at all." | | | | place that is beyond the bounds of the material world |
| "This may be due to the 'longevity factor.' Briefly, | | | | can be one impetus in implementing change in our life |
| people now live longer-averaging 25 years longer than | | | | Probably, it is the 'soul' echoing to us in this shifting |
| at the start of the century and lead more prolific and | | | | phase. |
| richer lives made possible by positive prospects in | | | | Real life stories shared honestly about transformations |
| careers, improved health and more gratifying | | | | are my sources of strength. And to implement what I |
| relationships. | | | | have learned from these inspirational sources I enrolled |
| According to some studies, an average healthy adult | | | | in a sing, dance, act (all rolled into one) workshop. |
| today could reach about 120 years old thus making | | | | Spiritual? Maybe not. |
| midlife at 60. | | | | It was the impulse I had that particular Sunday morning |
| Knowing When the Time Has Come | | | | when I opened the newspaper and an ad caught my |
| In women, premenopausal symptoms, the prospect of | | | | eyes instantly. It was for a reasonable fee and was |
| the 'empty nest syndrome,' the economy, stress and | | | | open to those aged '6 to 65 yrs old. I itched to check it |
| anxieties can be triggers. In men, retirement, career | | | | out. I found it odd to join but something nudged me to |
| change, andropause, marital disputes, financial issues | | | | take part. |
| and any major change can activate a sense of | | | | I am tapping the social and artistic sides that I have |
| discontent and loss of purpose. | | | | ignored for so long. I will be observing where it will lead |
| My husband's mild stroke almost 2 years ago, the | | | | me. |
| betrayal of a person we treated like family, and the | | | | Becoming a star was not my illusion. My goal was to |
| changes our children are going through were my major | | | | get away from my routine, meet new people, and |
| wake up calls for me | | | | grow with the new experience hoping something good |
| "A search for meaning often comes in mid-life, or after | | | | will come out of it. And if I feel it is not working for me, I |
| a traumatic life event. Such an episode can be hard | | | | can always opt to change course. The main |
| and painful, but it can also be a catalyst to rethink | | | | substance if the exercise is to venture into something |
| meaning." Mary braid, in "If in Doubt...You Can find | | | | towards positive change or to better whatever it is we |
| Purpose." Psychologies, May 2006: Dossier, 'Finding | | | | already have. |
| Meaning.' | | | | "We are all writing the story of our life. We want to |
| You are going through the motions of Midlife crisis | | | | know what it's 'about, what are its themes and which |
| when you: | | | | theme is on the rise. We demand of it something |
| No longer find joy and purpose in things that used to | | | | deeper, or richer, or more substantive. We want to |
| bring pleasure; | | | | know where we're headed -not to spoil our own |
| Feel that excitement is diminishing; | | | | ending by ruining the surprise, but we want to ensure |
| Start questioning the meaning of life; | | | | that when the ending comes, it won't be shallow. We |
| Begin reassessing your decisions in the past and feel it | | | | will have done something. We will not have |
| is so crucial to make changes; | | | | squandered our time here." Po Bronson's book, 'What |
| Are not sure where life is leading you; | | | | Should I Do With My Life?' |
| Feel tired with your routine and role for many years; | | | | Midlife is a time when we can take pride in all that we |
| When you strongly seek for inner truths; | | | | have been and done, in big and small things, giving us |
| Feel trapped and empty. | | | | more chance at crafting an entirely new landscape for |
| However there is a population that is unmindful of such | | | | a more inspiring second half. |
| dilemma. | | | | "Could midlife not be be a time when we are free at |
| Atkinson states: Anthropologists have discovered that | | | | last for enhancing mind, heart, and talent; free at last |
| arriving at middle age does not produce psychological | | | | for spiritual growth?" Anne Morrow Lindberg, 'Gift from |
| stress and turmoil in many cultures. And that this so | | | | the Sea.' |
| called midlife crisis is more of a culture-specific | | | | And when not understood, Midlife Crisis can give us an |
| phenomenon, found primarily among people in today's | | | | excuse to go into deep depression, frustration and |
| technologically advanced Western societies." | | | | dissatisfaction unfavorably affecting us, the people |
| "People in conventional cultures accepted that the life | | | | around and those we love most. |
| cycle comprised of stages and that getting through the | | | | |