| No, as humans, we are conditioned to settle into stable | | | | the wrong decision, for goodness sakes! Making |
| jobs, families, friends and hobbies. From grammar | | | | another mistake is far too heart wrenching than the |
| school, we must go to high school, to college, get the | | | | probability that the change we make will create more |
| guy/girl, get a job, buy a house, have some kids, retire | | | | opportunities and growth than we could ever imagine |
| and then that's it. That's your life in a nutshell. | | | | at this moment. |
| But then real life gets in the way and changes all the | | | | I'm not saying to throw everything out the window, of |
| stable things (or what you thoughts would be stable | | | | course. Consistency has it benefits too. To make an |
| ideas) in your life. You can't get a good job right out of | | | | extreme change all at once may backfire and feed |
| college. You don't get married right away. Maybe you | | | | the fear for the future. |
| don't want kids. Is that so bad? | | | | So what's the middle ground? |
| (And if you're one of those people who have followed | | | | Fear is successful only if it paralyzes you from making |
| the path of college, marriage, house and kids, good for | | | | a change. If it can hold you in a position that will, over |
| you. I'm not putting that down, I just don't know of | | | | time, make you sad, miserable, depressed, resentful |
| many people who have done it.) | | | | and angry. It could make you feel several of emotions |
| We're so conditioned to have life a certain way, | | | | all at once, which creates other problems and stress. |
| dreaming of what things should be when we're young. | | | | So why go there? |
| We get those ideas from our family life, our friends' | | | | Here are some ideas to bring you out of the misery |
| lives and the TV. When it doesn't turn out quite the | | | | and conquer your fear: |
| way we expected, we end up in a crisis of faith and a | | | | 1.) Instead of thinking of everything that can go wrong, |
| miserable existence. We tolerate way too much to | | | | how about thinking about everything that can go |
| have the life we think we should have, rather then the | | | | RIGHT. Positive thoughts and actions actually create a |
| life we can create. | | | | positive momentum for change. Negative thoughts and |
| For example, I have a friend of mine who is in a | | | | actions create a standstill. |
| stressful, hectic job. There is not enough time in the | | | | 2.) Have patience! Nothing happens overnight. If you |
| day for him to finish all of his tasks and his boss is a | | | | watch any recording artist or a sports figure's |
| complete nightmare, including belittling and yelling at my | | | | interview, you'll see that it's taken then several years to |
| friend constantly. He is depressed and is having | | | | become an overnight sensation. Plants the seeds and |
| constant chest pains. Sounds like he should make a | | | | know that it takes time to create the growth you need. |
| change, right? | | | | 3.) Acknowledge your feelings. If you're feeling |
| When I ask him if he is looking for another job, he says | | | | miserable, sad or other emotions around a situation, |
| he doesn't have time. I even offered to post his | | | | then it's okay to feel them. The danger is wallowing in |
| resume online and conduct a job search for him. He | | | | those feelings. If you notice yourself sitting in them too |
| said he'd get around to it. That was two months ago. | | | | long, look at ways to move out of them - helping |
| So how does this story end? It has a myriad of | | | | someone less fortunate than you is a way to put your |
| possibilities. He could get fired, be granted a leave | | | | life in perspective. |
| because of stress related symptoms, quit, give his | | | | 4.) Do something that makes you feel good. Call |
| notice because he has another job, etc, etc. | | | | someone that makes you laugh, read a great book, |
| The point is that it seems my friend is sitting in this | | | | watch your favorite show, or eat your favorite |
| situation for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. This is not | | | | dessert. No matter how big or small, putting yourself in |
| including his commute, which is over an hour a day. So | | | | a more positive state of mind will help you to look at |
| why isn't he making a change? | | | | situations differently. |
| The answer is that fear is playing a huge part in his | | | | 5.) Do your best to manage your stress. While some |
| decision. That's what is making him miserable - it's the | | | | may say you can totally eliminate stress, it's more |
| unknown ahead of him. He may find a job that doesn't | | | | realistic to work on managing and controlling your |
| pay as well or could have even a worse boss. I mean, | | | | stress. Even doing small steps such as getting some |
| this job has it perks. He has every holiday off, he's right | | | | exercise, eat more healthy and getting more rest will |
| in the center of a major metropolitan area and the | | | | give you more coping skills to deal with challenges in |
| money is pretty good. | | | | your life. |
| So how powerful is fear that it holds him back from | | | | 6.) Create supportive environments. Find people, even |
| making a change that will probably be more positive | | | | online, that will be helpful to you to remove those |
| than negative? Is fear that strong that it will bind us to | | | | negative feelings or behaviors. Find a motivation buddy |
| things, people, events, jobs and so much more? | | | | to keep you on track of making changes. |
| For most people, yes, it is. | | | | 7.) Breaking goals into smaller, obtainable tasks will not |
| Fear is so powerful that we can live in miserable | | | | only set you up for success to check off those tasks |
| situations and feelings for decades, not changing | | | | but it will help you not be as overwhelmed. For |
| anything because of all the reasons we create. We | | | | example, instead of saying, "I have to find a new job |
| have to pay our mortgage and car payments, kids' | | | | as soon as possible", which again will create fear and |
| tuition, our gym memberships, and on the list goes. You | | | | misery, say, "I will look on the web three times a week |
| can call it duty or responsibility but most of the time, if | | | | and network with my friends to see what's available at |
| you dig down, you'll find it's that fear that is holding you | | | | companies they work at that I may like" will make it |
| back. | | | | much less daunting. |
| The interesting concept is that fear is our creation. We | | | | 8.) DO SOMETHING! It's like trying to move a heavy |
| hold ourselves back constantly because of what the | | | | rock that you're pushing against. The most you tackle |
| outcome could be. We hate the unfamiliar and the life | | | | that rock, the more likely that you will one day be able |
| that we don't know so we do nothing. | | | | to move it. |
| It's not that we like to be miserable consciously. It's that | | | | Everyone has their bad days but the key is to be |
| we are too afraid to step forward and make a | | | | aware of you - change the misery into miraculous |
| change and take a chance. We couldn't make the right | | | | momentum. You'll be able to look back on your life and |
| decision for ourselves! Look at all the times I've made | | | | say "Hey, why did I stay there so long?". Why wait? |