Arguments - The Losing Side of a Relationship

Arguments - The losing side of a relationship -In the 34One of the most effective steps I teach couples is to
years that I have been doing psychic counseling, it isexpress their anger, fears, aggravations, and concerns
only in the past 10 years that I have been involved withto their partner. This allows them the freedom of
couples counseling. One thing I have noticed with manyopening up without the fear of confrontation. It is a
couples, whether those couples are a man and avery simple method, but has certain rules which must
woman, two women, or two men, is that there is oftenbe followed.
a lack of real and meaningful communication. This lackOne of the ways I teach couples to do this is to
of communication causes small conflicts to becomeencourage them to write a journal to document the
heated arguments where issues are not resolvedissues in their relationship which they feel are causing
because both partners are trying to make their pointsproblems. Detail is very important here. They must also
and are not even listening to what the other persondevote an hour of uninterrupted time each week for
has to say. Nothing can ever be resolved when oneopen discussion. This discussion has to occur on the
person raises his or her voice with what only appearssame day, and at the same time, and becomes a
to the other person to be demands. The effect of thisweekly ritual for the couple. During this hour, each of
is that the other person feels as if they are beingthe partners has 30 minutes to read from their journal.
scolded like a parent scolds a child and this causes theWhile each partner reads their journal, the other
person to close up in a defensive posturing attitudepartner cannot interrupt, or make any comments. After
where they don't listen to what the other person isthis hour, I encourage each partner to spend some
saying. This intensifies the problem because when thetime alone, and to reflect upon what they have just
person who is relating the problem area in their lifeheard. They must also remember not to have any
feels that they are being shut out, or ignored, by theirdiscussion about what has just been said. However,
partner there is no meaningful dialog which allows athey can add some of this new information into their
resolution to be achieved. The only resolution to thejournals for the following week's discussion. This
problem is for one or both partners to bring the subjectmethod is not a quick fix for a troubled relationship, but
up again, which might only create the same result.most couples are amazed that after several months
Instead of being resolved this issue now smolders likethey are now working together to resolve the
a hot ember, and this can make for an emotionalproblems in their relationship.
forest fire!One of the most complex interactions we face in life is
The way I try to resolve issues like this is to teachthe relationship with our partners. There is often some
couples how to discuss issues instead of just yellinginitial spark which brings two people together, but for a
and having the entire situation turning into World War III.relationship to thrive it requires communication,
There are several steps couples can take to have acooperation, and compromise. This is only one of the
good, open, and loving discussion, and to reduce themany techniques which can be used to help couple
friction in their relationship by learning to resolve theresolve issues, but by teaching couples how to
very important issues that cause them toeffectively communicate, it helps to strengthen the
misunderstand each others feelings.foundations of their relationship.